Over the course of my life, i can split the various segments of my life into 3 definitive mindsets. Each came with 3 different ways of living. This would be Prideful, Honest and Loving.
Like most children in my childhood i lived in a very innocent manor, i didn’t have many concerns as most children don’t, I had two close friends who i shared everything with, It wasn’t until i was about 10 years old where i began to be aware of other people’s perceptions of me. At this time i didn’t have much self-confidence or self-awareness to my name. This sent me down a prideful path, This began with me executing a false sense of self confidence which was based on the “I don’t care what others think of me” mentality, This caused my actions to be altered to accordingly fit in with this mentality, this relatively isolated the true me and left me feeling that that it was a case of me against others. I felt I always had to hold my head up high above everyone else’s and never let anyone see any weakness in me, this led to me attacking other people. Not physically but verbally and emotionally, At this time I was still very unaware of my surrounding and the affects I was having on the people around me, especially within my Family. It would take me 5-6 years to finally reach a state of awareness of my actions. Sadly over those 5-6 years I hurt a number of people.
So from about the age of 16, I had a lot of “emotional” baggage, I carried allot of guilt from my previous actions and the people I hurt, I realised allot of the negative traits of my life. These I wanted to get rid of. I felt the root of most of these problems was dishonesty. I thought i would embrace the power of the truth. So i became very honest, although honesty is very good, Honesty alone does not make you a good person or necessarily help you become a good person. So what I found through being honest, it did not necessarily modify my actions or stop the cycle of me hurting people around me, It was more of a case I was justifying my actions by the fact I was being honest about them. In addition to that it left me feeling very cold, although living “somewhat” more discipline life. I did learn a considerable amount about society and psychology during this period; I also investigated the psychology behind religions, societies, government and the human mind. Upon reflection i can see this was in a effort to find myself. All throughout my life I have never doubted God, nor have I ever felt a lack of his existence, Yet still I felt afraid to turn to him. I felt ashamed of my past, Ashamed of the decisions I had made.
It would take me another 2-3 years to realise what was missing. For me to realise the errors of my ways. I for the first time, consciously began my journey towards Jesus Christ, Although my entire life had been me walking towards him though I was unaware of it at the time. I began to learn about Christianity, I was fascinated by the teaches in comparison to the way it is often portrayed in the Media’s Eye. The Divine Teachings Of Jesus Christ, Astounding me, Not a single thing I could disagree with and part of me did want to find a fault in Following Christ. I found none, In the people I saw around me I saw nothing but Love. This was around April, I saw allot of sin around me i begun university in September, I saw so many of the negative effects of sin. On the mind, body and soul. While reading the bibles teachings and regularly turning to God. I began to notice my view on life was changing, My view on people, how I should handle certain situations all were changing. At the time i was not consciously aware of this change but it was a series of things i would want to do for others benefit. Since turning to Christ, i have never felt like there was anything i “had “ to do but rather allot of things i wanted to do. I wanted to be right with God; I wanted to be the Man God wants me to be. I decided unknowing I wanted to Live For God, I wanted everything i did to Honour God. Since Following Jesus Christ, I have been learning how to live in His Love; I have felt the Embrace of His Love in Abundance. My life has been transformed. In the last 2-3 odd months since coming back from a Camp where I had many amazing encounters with Jesus Christ. I was able to make sense of my past and let everything Go, from the issues of my childhood to the pride I held in my heart. Everything that was holding me down and creating barriers between me and God. I wanted to be a Servant Of The Lord. I feel so satisfied, so complete and so filled with Joy and Love. God has provided such wonderful people in my Life of which there are two I have to mention, The first is a young lady called Jennifer I met at Hillsong Summer Camp, I’ve never felt so close to someone in such a short amount of time, Her heart is so set on Jesus Christ. I can see nothing but God’s wonders in her future, I don’t tell her enough how wonderful she is. She’s helped me so much on my walk with Christ and I Thank God For Her, The second is my Good friend Amy ( Aymi ), I met her about a year and a half ago, We met going through the university process on a website called “yougofurther”, We had very similar interests and became very good friends in a short time, since then she has been such a wonderful friend to me. I am so grateful to have her in my life; she has helped me on my Journey a great deal. I Thank God For Her.
Since turning to Christianity I have met the most special group of people, I see the wonders of God working all around me, I am walking Towards Jesus Christ, I Thank Him for every single negative and positive thing that has happened in my Life and that will happen in my Life, It’s been because of these negatives and these positives that I have found myself Joyously kneeling before Him. Everything I am is Thanks to Him, and Everything He Is I Love.
I am eternally Thankful For Everything God has done in my Life. I can not express my Gratitude.
I hope you have enjoyed reading this,
Any comments feel free to express them.
May God Truly Bless You,
Chris.
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